LALALALALA....

not listenaaaaaaaaaaangggg!!!!!

is it wrong of me to say that i've always had a heart? well, now i guess i can really say that i don't. cuz i, myself, just shattered it into a million pieces. i let go of the one thing that kept me going, but at the same time held me back from things i have wanted to achieve. i know that i fucked with the best thing that has ever happened to me, and i know that i can never get it back. i messed up that terribly. from this point on, i can not look back, because what i cherished the most these past 9 months probably wouldn't let me back into their life. which is totally understandable. if i were in their position, i wouldn't want to deal with the extra stress either. i guess i am just a terrible person with too much baggage. i probably wasnt ready for such a task. i didnt even think, before i ruined my life. and it happened. in less than 10 minutes. wow. i hate myself.

i ruined my life.

in a matter of 5 minutes.

have you ever lied to make things hurt less? i just did. i lied my ass off. and it worked! no tears, even though i know everything i said was complete and utter bullshit. yes, i fucked up my life. and i won't be happy for a very long time... hopefully fuck ups and sadness will pay off in the end. hopefully. now, lets aim for non-puffy eyes for tomorrow's picture day.......

just going to shrivel up and die now. strgsdfgdfh nkjhmgnbfsdffghjkmhngbfvdcsdsdhjkl,jmnhbgfvdfg,hjjmhm

i hate everythingggggg..... dfghdtyuy fdfhdhdgf n ysr...... no more eating, no more boyfriend, done with it all........ on to the next one, i guess.........

i hate crying for no reason. i guess im just stressed? i dont want this anymore. i'm doneeee. FUCK IT; SINGLE LIFE.

i took the scenic route coming home from the eagle rock plaza. quite lovely actually. i think i just might go that way all the time. it was a nice long walk. i loved it. i liked being alone. i wish i were all the time, actually.

i don't know what has gotten me into this type of mood. i'm just mad and hating everything. fuck. literally tearing up over nothing. can i just.... ugh. is it because i'm fat? like i can't live the way i want because im fucking morbidly obese? is it because my boyfriend told me i need to watch my weight (which is some fucked up shit, right there)? whatever it is, everything just leads up to how unhappy i am with my body. i don't look good dancing because it's like a sack of potatoes. i have no neck. im shorter than the average 16 year old girl. i dont know. well, no... maybe my problems dont only revolve around my appearance. i just hate everything. (: FUCK EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. i wish i were happy.

PSA

It has been brought to my attention that I, Cassidy Barba, am fat.

That is all.

things just don't seem to be working out. everything has been going downhill, and i don't know what to do about it. i mean, i need to stop being selfish and all that jazz, but hey, i just want to be happy. lately, i haven't been happy. i've been stressed out, annoyed, cranky, and irritated. it's my relationship, my team, my home, school, everything. i've just reached the point where i don't want any of it anymore. like i want to run away, change my name, and be a taco maker in ensanada. sigh. i dont know what to do. i think what's stressing me out the most is my relationship, cuz honestly, most of my time and effort has gone into that. it shouldn't even be the most important thing to me, but it's what's bringing me down the most. its so distracting and time consuming. because of it, i have spent less time with my friends and family. i just want to get away from my boyfriend for a little bit and be with my friends. but they dont even want to talk to me. it's like ive become a whole other person. i hate everything and everyone. well, time to make new friends... goodbye for now.