LOWKEY

Id be anorexic if it wasn't so hard. 

I feel cute sometimes.

I kind of forced myself to throw up tonight. 

I was feeling like shit and I just wouldn't go so I stuck my fingers down my throat with the hope of making my stomach feel at ease!

Unfortunately, instead of throwing up the Chinese food that I anticipated, I threw up carrot juice. -.- 

i dont know if we're friends, enemies, fuck buddies, friends with benefits, but from what it seems to me, he only contacts me when he needs wants me. ive come to the conclusion that he is just simply using me. whether he is appreciative of what i continue to do for him, im just hurting myself. although the sex is great and it does benefit me in that way, i'm setting myself up for a 3rd heartbreak with him by allowing myself to open up to him and expecting him to do the same. where has my pride gone? i guess he took it all when he left me. i'm letting him walk all over me. i didnt realize that there are still tread marks from the last time he hurt me. i honestly thought i would be okay if we were to have this type of relationship with each other. i clearly was enamored with the idea that he and i would have contact again with the possibility of him finding the love he once had for me. it may have even done the opposite and caused him to realize that i'm exactly what he doesnt want. its inevitable that i still have feelings for him. i REALLY dont want to like him and i wish i could see him as he sees me- meat. play thing. tool. convenience. NOTHING. that's exactly how i feel. i am nothing to him. no feelings attached,indifferent to my existence. curse my girlish instincts to care.

Look at that skinny face