yuck... summer already?

so if you're a close friend of mine, you would know how much i hate my body. i think it's disgusting and fat and undesirable in all ways possible. sure, i'm young and it shouldn't matter because i can easily burn it off, right? but what if i'm too lazy? too busy to put in effort? ugh, i don't know. i wish i could change the way i look. but thanks to my lack of patience and trabajdora-ness, i am not able to. every time i look in the mirror, i wanna gag. sometimes even cry. yeah, i know that's a little much, but its true. i've been dealing with mood swings lately. don't know. i hate my reflection. i hate looking down. i hate everything. why can't i be satisfied with myself? why can't i have the confidence others have? plain and simple. i'm 4'11 and i weigh 107 lb. that probably may not seem bad, but it definitely looks bad. it's different for taller people. even tall people weigh less than me. i wanna get rid of the fat so badly that i've even considered purging and not eating. i mean, for a fact i am starting to eat less. it saves my dad (who just lost his job) money, and i guess i lose weight? yeah, i don't know. the team is having a beach trip this friday.... i'm too afraid to show my body in a swimsuit. it would look so gross. today i tried on a one-piece suit to cover my mid, and i looked so terrible. i just hate my body. i would exercise and diet and stuff. but truth be told, i am way too lazy to do anything. i'm an idiot. i'll just be fat with my 50 piece nuggets under the rainbow umbrella on the sand. jk, i cant afford that either.