To be honest, I can't remember another time I've felt this shitty. I'm behind in my ONE class, and it's fucking frustrating. I've managed to avoid all the lab work that is due in 2 weeks, which actually isn't a long time. I didn't think missing one class would affect me that badly, but it did and I ended up missing 2 more days because I wasn't ready. My grade probably dropped 20%. Goodbye highest grade in the class! I was doing so well. I know complaining about it isn't doing me any justice. But it's almost like all the stress has just clogged a part of me that allows me to... I don't know. Work? Meh. 

Money!  Fuck money. I don't have money. I don't work. Which is another stress factor. I don't make my own money. I have so many things to pay for.  Like dancing. DANCING. My escape. The love of my life. That shit is so damn expensive. I'm probably have to quit the team after this season. I can't afford it! I honestly don't know what I'm gonna do to fill that void, but I have to do it. Hopefully I'll have a job and more classes to focus on by that time. 

I think what I need for myself is more things to do. Free time fucks me up! I need to be constantly moving, otherwise It's like I'm in quicksand, unable to get of -in this case- procrastination and the slumps of laziness. I need to be away from home as much as possible. For me, home is like a trap!  I'll go to Starbucks tomorrow. I mean, hey, I get a free drink out of it! I have so much to worry about. 

My family's so weird. I don't even know. Everyone is just selfish. Myself included! But my sister just really needs to grow up. Sneaking around, lying to everyone. She and get boyfriend are so disgusting, they need to face reality. No, you're not black, neither of you are "cool," and you're just stuck up people that think to highly of yourselves. You both are selfish and inconsiderate of your 

families. And I have to share a room with my sister. How annoying is that, very. Were both messy af and that's just not good! I guess you can say my cluttered room is a metaphor for my cluttered life.

And Edwin. He's probably one of the best things that's happened to me this year. I really like him, it's crazy. And I think he's mad at me. I guess he is the jealous type, which I think is adorable, but for some reason this time is hurting. We're not even official but things are getting pretty serious. I'm not complaining, it's been a month. However, we need to set some boundaries or rules or SOMETHING, because honestly I've never "talked" to someone for this long. I'm not sure how this works. But he's mad and it's pissing me off how I can't do anything right now.

Goodnight.