is it wrong of me to say that i've always had a heart? well, now i guess i can really say that i don't. cuz i, myself, just shattered it into a million pieces. i let go of the one thing that kept me going, but at the same time held me back from things i have wanted to achieve. i know that i fucked with the best thing that has ever happened to me, and i know that i can never get it back. i messed up that terribly. from this point on, i can not look back, because what i cherished the most these past 9 months probably wouldn't let me back into their life. which is totally understandable. if i were in their position, i wouldn't want to deal with the extra stress either. i guess i am just a terrible person with too much baggage. i probably wasnt ready for such a task. i didnt even think, before i ruined my life. and it happened. in less than 10 minutes. wow. i hate myself.